it's one of those times when you finally throw away the nice star studded veil off your eyes and see all your whites turn to blacks......
all your strengths turning weak....
all that you called "class" turning cheesy.....
it's time when things around you make you feel sick in the stomach and you feel like throwing up,but in vain....
it's time when that sick dormant volcano in you finally decides to erupt and leaves behind nothing but some loose words which you try and put together to make sense....
these are those words i found sticking out of the gooey mess that came out...and i am still trying to make sense....
dont bother if you can't because i still don't.....

rains in my city.....

So it’s official...I’m an “ex” now.

That huge cream coloured gate won’t allow me in now, that chair on the right in the fifth row won’t have me anymore.

The stone chips on the floor refuse to listen to the tic-tac of my ballerinas anymore.

That staircase to the library won’t let me sit there anymore.

That thick blue Hercule Poirot on the third shelf won’t feel my fingers through its pages anymore.

The musty smell of the Times World Almanac won’t flood my senses before a quiz anymore....

But two legs hurry through the cream gate. A red bag still finds its place near the leg of that chair. A pair of hurried ballerinas pace over the stone-chipped floor. Tears of a pony tailed girl still stain the blue collar of her friend sitting on the sixth step of the stairs. A bespectacled teenager discovers the joy and magic of Hercule Poirot, runs her finger over the magical print. Three heads huddle up to read through the almanac.......

Tears in my eyes, smile on my lips, I know I’m there somewhere devouring that smell....still.

yes,i am smiling.....
atlast..
got reasons....
results aint that good by people's standards...but i am happy....
that's all i could do without giving my selections.....
i smile....and hope i can keep doing that for a long time now....

it's official...it's tomorrow!!!
goodbye,cruel world...

this is not a post...

i really dont know what to write about,but i want to write anyway.
i think i have issues but dont really feel like writing about them....(there are too many)
i am tired of the way people make big deals out of nothing.
i am just so pissed with this principal of this college which is famous for its sky high cut offs..(the dude wrote an article called "marks are not the right yardsticks"..or some bullshit...!!)
i mean,how hippocritical can they get??
we are basically very narrow minded people who measure life in terms of some lousy numbers some lousy people decide to scrawl on our answer sheets...
i know i dont make sense....guess i am not supposed to.
i am still groggy with sleep and still tormented by the dreams i see...
its getting too much now...
i might have all the right to waste my time...but not yours.
so just close the window and forgive this piece as just another bullshit post by a teenage scatterbrain!!...

i'm so scared...
the results maybe out anyday now and i have managed to forget how bad it really was.
i am scared that i might get used to failure....maybe when i see my name on none of the college rolls,i will just feel bad and shed a tear.....like i always do....
and i am scared that i will get used to a life like that,scared that i will just stand and watch while the entire world zooms past.
i am scared of stagnation...of thoughts,of words,of ambitions.
i am scared of jadedness...of life.
sometimes,i wish all this would end.....and drown into a red pool of oblivion.
just like that.

Here’s a story which is a part of me-

Of people who let me be who I want to be.

It was one evening we decided to talk-

Of old laughs and old tears,

Of times gone by and old peers.

She sat pretty with her crimson gown-

Flashing a smile which pulls you up when you’re down.

Poised she is but never calm-

Always moving to a tune or lisping a hum.

Another sat confused brushing her hair-

Saying words of concern and care.

She hides it well, but it manages to escape-

The secret tear which nurses her heartbreak.

Nineteen candles glowed bright and clear-

Her mind disturbed at the thoughts of a future so near.

The mind is in a daze and her heart flutters like a dove-

We all know, my dear, you are so deep in love.

Another sat smiling and blushing next to me-

Fussing over food and refusing her tea.

A lady of words and a lady of rhymes-

A loving reminder of all our happy times.

All that said, there still remains one-

Who talks incessantly out of her turn.

Tries hard to keep her bonds well-

But somewhere down the line, she fears she might fail.

The night grew older and we knew it was time-

We hugged and smiled our parting smiles.

We left back promises of reliving these times with each other.

‘Coz we all know that,no matter how tough the going gets,

“It’s always better when we’re together”.....

P.S:this is lousy poetry....but the 5 people concerned know it's the feeling which is overwhelming and heart-warming

"aamar mukti aaloy aaloy ei akashe...
aamar mukti dhulae dhulae ghashe ghashe..."
you gave me the words,you gave me the tunes-
brought me images of far flung mountains and sand dunes...
gave me a vent,gave me a muse....
painted my vision with a myriad hues.....

LAW!!!

Some time back, this word would bring to me this image of a “secure” future. I remember ma’s sigh of relief when I told her that I wanted to do law...she was happy I finally acquired this thing called “ambition”....

January came and went...and I sat for this exam after studying for 2 days with a weak liver just outta jaundice. I thought I aced it but I didn’t. Didn’t even reach the dreadfully high cutoff.....

I guess that was the day I ran to the nearest window and threw my “ambition” outta it...into the grey oblivion of the city’s concrete skyline. Back came my old “ambition”-I really wanted to write. So the life of a journalist appeared so “Yeah!! That’s it!!”-ish. Legal ambitions fizzled out like gas from a soft drink can and I had a new “ambition”....(To god’s grace, I still do)

Dad said something about “job security”. What he doesn’t understand is that he never had a daughter who was meant for “secure” things...she was this girl who wanted to fly, and still does. She is this girl who has always searched for the meaning of the voices that go on inside her little head, always looked for the face behind the unknown call which always eluded her....the call of the future, the call of words...the call of rhyme and metre...

After 18 long years she sees the blurry outlines of those faces which called.....and it’s time she answers them......

It’s time she washes the dirt off her wings and flies off....

"Well I guess that you probably know by now
I was one who wanted to fly
I wanted to ride on that arrow of fire right up into heaven
And I wanted to go for every man
Every child, every mother of children
I wanted to carry the dreams of all people right up to the stars....."

"She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell"


words have never felt this good before....
music never sounded this good before.....
my favourite movie never made me feel this good before....