"Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there...”
o.k...I am outta school...given my speech, cut my farewell cake....and now? Now what?....
I go back to where I started from 15 years back...unsure of the steps I take, don’t know who’s gonna be the next person I can call a friend....I know you’ve told me we will keep in touch, but can we live those moments again?...that run down the corridor? The hug after the tears? The salsa in front of the loo...well ,umm....no. I will miss you and I will miss me....because I am what you all made me, and when you leave, you take a piece of me with you....
I know I have hurt you and you hurt me back....I am sorry I should have known that you “don’t fight fire with fire; you douse it with water.....”I could have used my tears, I could’ve said sorry, I could’ve ran to you and said that I’m never gonna do it again...I know you were ready to forget but I wasn’t...I was wrong. and I realize that today...trust me, I do...but that doesn’t mean, I want to get back or anything of that sort...I know no one understands but I know you do and I know you just too well..... and I hope, I am not mistaken this time....I know you’re sorry and I know you know that I’m sorry too....but the funny part is that that’s all we can do...just know!!!
Just know that I’m there like I promised to be but did not stand by at times...I’m there when life’s gonna laugh at us again....and I’ll cry with you like I always have....
Just know that I’ll pray so that your prayers are all answered ....I’ll be happy just because you’re happy....and just don’t think I don’t care....because I do...a f*c***g lot!!!....
You will change, I will change but the memories wont...you will die, I will die but our times won’t....should I be sorry. Or should I be not...I know you couldn’t have taken it....
Never meant things to be this way...but then again, my life’s always been like this....crapped up!!!
All the best to all of you I have written about...I wish you happiness...and that’s it.....
“Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid...."