I feel like I am back to being my post XIIth standard self again. The same feeling of insecurity, the same self loathing and the same feeling of being absolutely useless.
And when I say that,I am not looking at only the sorry state of my academic future. I am back to being the stupid girl who was used to being a doormat or the fodder for all the gossip mongering tongues of the school and the extended friends' circles.
If I had to choose, I'd say that was the worst time of my life.And now,this.
I have realised that I can deal with lies, but fakes are just beyond all the levels of my tolerance.Liars only lie but fakes pretend to be someone they're not and almost make you believe in their hoax identities.
But ultimately, it IS my fault because it is I who puts her foot into traps again and again...it is my fault that I smile back to fake smiles and console fake tears, knowing fully well that they are fake!
I am just hopeless and beyond all help.
Because you see, you help them who dont know what shit they are in. But I know.
I, you see, am fully aware.
So here I am-stepping into another mound of shit as I type.
7 comments:
good to know there's another doormat for company! we console them my dear, only because, we're still human!
i'd like to believe someday people will love each other jus as they are! we won't need to fake then!
as always, thanks for expressing! ur writings are so humble!
look out for the shit! take care! :)
fakes and liars.......equally bad......we've seen too many of them isn't it?
eta khub depressing,ki holo?
So, this is your 'shit'. Funny how you complain though, it's like constant in my life to be there. Maybe I need to write it out too :)
console the fakes, smile at their fake smiles, but build a moat around yourself;
First of all, if you can be stupid foolish and daft atthe same time that makes you a multi tasker. This is a valuable skill.
Second, it is better to put your foot in traps knowingly (or fall into the hole in the road) than to do it unknowingly.
Means that according to the Tibetan book of the dead, you are on the path to enlightenment.
Not a bad path I'd say.
I believe that the real world exists. Yet I find comfort inside my mind. There's a world within. It can feel and think and visualise. It can imagine almost anything anytime. But again I hope that Einstein is proved right about his theory on parallel universe and time travel.
There are worlds beyond the fakes. There are mysteries beyond our daily life. There are adventures and happiness. As Dylan rightly pointed out...
Beyond the horizon, the night winds blow
The theme of a melody from many moons ago
The bells of St. Mary, how sweetly they chime
Beyond the horizon I found you just in time
Beyond the horizon, the sky is so blue
I've got more than a lifetime to live lovin' you
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