La Femme

I was thinking the other day if I’m a feminist only to realize that like most ideologies, feminism too has different brands to it.
I went to a girls’ school and I don’t remember one instance when we discussed feminism- be it among friends or with teachers. I guess all my school taught me was I had the right to enjoy what I liked and to do what I enjoyed doing.
Now that I’m in a college which is believed to be a breeding ground for feminists, I have come to be aware of the various perspectives one attaches to the ideology. People have different views- some say it’s about being treated equally with men, while some claim to be even better. There are some who believe men to be the bane of a woman’s existence while some think it’s about not wearing a bra.
The past few days in my college have been a tumultuous experience. We did things that no one thought could happen in L.S.R...girls sloganeering, carrying banners and sitting down-refusing to budge. There seemed to be a certain spell that held them all, that made them get over their own problems and made them shout out in unison. It wasn’t about the “geek”, the “intellectual types” or the “babe” anymore…it became a ground where a few hundred girls found out what’s common between each one of them, something that couldn’t be given a name. I realized that there’s a certain power Estrogen has that allows one to defy. It has this innate way of letting us know that no matter who we are, we don’t need to take shit, and we don’t need to silently listen… and it’s okay to shout. Coming together sometimes helps you conserve the voice that you would’ve lost had you shouted alone.
Ofcourse we need to shout. All of us- Men, Women, Children. Everyone needs to shout when people decide to go deaf on them. Feminism for me lies in that decision I make to shout, irrespective of who else is shouting or who else has shouted before me, and it lies in the widening of the space that allows me to shout. It is important for voices to be heard- be that of men or women. There has to be neutral ears that do not engender the voices they listen to;there has to be a complete absence of biases.
That is my brand of feminism.

it's crazy how i never get high,no matter how much i drink!not that i want to,but it's weird seeing one's friends getting as high as a kite and yet not knowing what it feels like.i remember how i was absolutely sane the last time-i infact walked a good kilometre back home.but i guess i shouldnt complain.i mean,it's not a bad thing that i am never in the state wherein i puke out the day's breakfast on someone and cant sit straight.
on a completely different note,have you ever visited a historical monument and felt like an extreme atheist?i mean,have you ever seen what human hands have done and credited them to be greater hands than those of God? i have.i went to Qutb Minar yesterday.

i've been living in a haze for the last few days-you know how you just stand back and watch things zoom past your eyes and you just absorb the haze they leave behind, and take in the the residual momentary lull.
i had to write term papers at break neck speed, meet deadlines for each of the committees i had enrolled myself in.you see, the problem with me is that i can never know when to draw the line-i just go on accepting responsibilities till kingdom come, and then cry for mercy as each one of them come biting at my ass.
i also happened to fly home for three days for my cousin's wedding.my city has changed.they say you cant say if a person has lost/gained weight if you keep seeing him/her everyday.it's the same with the city.when you stay in it,when it becomes a part of your everyday domestic trivialities, you fail to notice the little squares of the mosaic,when they change colours.
but home remains home,no matter how much it changes...the same way mothers remain mothers,no matter how intolerable their idiosyncrasies become.

p.s:took this picture during my winter break with N's new camera.very cool camera it be.

all my life,i've seen my mesho have just one best friend-debol jethu.
he suddenly passed away this morning because of a heart attack.though i have never seen my mesho get perturbed at anything but today,i can just imagine him letting go of a huge chunk of his life,which debol jethu took away with him.
i dont know if the concept of "best friends" exists today...i mean,you do have very good friends and then your boyfriend becomes the best friend.but do we really have the kind of friendship which traces its journey back to the playgrounds of school but still manages to remain the same,defying grey hair and wrinkled faces?
my sister (mesho's daughter) took the first flight to cal,because for her it's almost like losing her father.
i raced my imagination to say...50-60 years from now,would any of my friends' kids do that when i die?
scary thought.

the blogger is: IN

the last few days have been like a whirlwind...
Delhi suddenly got colder.actually,it's not so much about the cold.it's actually the wind which is making traveling in autos almost seem as if you've just mistaken Siberia to be Anjuna beach and decided to sunbathe!
after days of shouting at the Reliance people,i finally have my net connection back...so i can breathe now.i almost feel like robbing Tina Ambani of the yacht her husband gifted her from the money we pay for USB modems that dont connect!
i have also been very pissed after the Chennai trip got cancelled....it would've been fun,specially with S around.moreover,it was supposed to be a trip with new people and for a new thing-not the same old play!
college's been very hectic with a thousand deadlines to be met and the journal work.
i hope i survive all this...in one piece.
and finally,it feels great to be back :)

i turned 20 yesterday.
it's a weird feeling really...it's like "shit i'm old" but then i guess by the time i'm 21,i will be used to living in the second decade.so i should just stop making a big deal out of such things.didn't someone very famous once say,"what is age,but a number?"!
on a sadder note,i leave for delhi tomorrow with a laptop which doesnt have a internet connection.so i guess,this calls for another one of those sad hiatuses from this space.
but keep watching,i will be back (soon,hopefully).

angst

it is disheartening to see the world zoom past our city as it just about manages to peep through its shroud of smoke.it is sad when one hears of youngsters flocking the Delhis and the Mumbais for call-centre jobs.
i feel angry when i see rallies on the city roads and imagine my friends in Delhi speeding down some new flyover.i shout abuses at cabbies who strike against something which could be remotely "progressive" had it been better planned.
it hurts to see the Calcutta of my fairy tales become a story without a beginning,middle or end-a story which just goes on without a plot.
it hurts more because Calcutta is home.it's always been.
it still is.
"Shaat koti shontaner hey mugdho jononi,
rekhecho bangali kore,manush koroni"

New Year!

It's been a Dickensian year...you know,"the best of times,the worst of times" kind.
It's been a year of losses and gains...more or less balanced.A year of a weird way of growing up,experiencing an ascent from the petty world of school-level gossip and bitching.I'm glad i have put all that behind and have learnt to ignore them to a great extent.
i lost some friends,gained some...and fortunately,managed to clear out one of the biggest messes of my life.i met some new people and i thank god for them...they're the kind of people who you dont meet too often,or talk to every now and then,but who you know will take your call when you're in deep shit,even if it happens to be way past midnight.
it's been a year of promises,just like the last one happened to be one of seeing some of the best things come to an end.and like all promises,some ended up being broken but,thankfully,left behind no incurable wound.
it's been a great year for N and me.and for his music...here's hoping he keeps adding tunes to that blue confetti dream we dreamt a couple of years back.
let's hope 2009 doesnt get worse,in case it cant get any better.and that's that.

p.s:have a great year ahead...wish you the best of 2009

Lucky Girl!

I went into one of my pondering sprees yesterday, after watching one of the dumbest commercials in television history. Even if I was the fattest guy on earth with the equator for my waistline, I would refuse to get married to a girl who cant, to save her life, say anything beyond “Hi”…irrespective of whether she’s white, black, red, green or blue.
It’s weird how companies mint money out of prejudices. Infact, these fairness product ads tend to play on double prejudices: a) the girl just HAS to be fair and b) she always has to end up being an object of male affection in the end. Interestingly, the choice of careers for these practitioners of the “power of beauty” has seldom gone beyond modeling and aviation hospitality, barring that one ad where the girl becomes a cricket commentator and an object of male gaze.
At this point, I remember the “Lucky Girl” ad and thousands of others where the girl becomes a “winner” in life from the quintessential dark “loser”, only because she happens to be fair. I’m not fair, and neither is my mother. But then, nothing has really stopped us from becoming what we are.
These ads tend to play to popular stereotypes-the hard fact, even today, is that people in the country still think a beautiful woman is meant to be fair, which is amazing in a country of brown skinned people. Loose terms like “dusky beauty” has only lead to the exoticisation and fetishisation of the dark woman and has contributed majorly in making her “the other”.
I never thought I’d say this, but I actually respect Aishwarya Rai (Bachchan, if you may) because she turned down an offer to become the Indian face of a global fairness cream giant. These little things are important because people in the country need to realize that a woman is more than just a colour.

Ho Ho Ho

We've all been very bad girls and boys this last year.
We've sped across signs saying "School Ahead" and honked at hospital walls.
We've emptied our dustbins on the road and painted the bank walls red with spit.
We've cogged in class tests and have come out of public loos,leaving behind things for people to see and smell.
We've smoked when no one was looking and bitched about the person who's all that we want to be.
And somewhere in the process,we've all observed a few minutes of silence...
And yet Santa,you will gift us peace this year,will you not?

P.S:on a merrier note,Merry Christmas to each one of you...

apology

i'm sorry i havent been blogging at all...
i dont know how many of you visited this page and then went back seeing nothing new.my laptop got stolen from an outstation fest i was attending with my play.life's been hard since then.
but now that i'm back home,i swear to god i'm going to update soon.
i missed my blog...and ended up writing on loose scraps of paper...i intend to use my holidays and type in all that.
and maybe *fingers crossed* if i do get a new laptop soon,i will be blogging regularly again..
thanks for still visiting my blog...i will be visiting all your blogs soon :)