Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I don't remember being this scared in my life. Of Everything and of nothing at the same time.
It is becoming progressively difficult for me to walk down a road- I am scared a truck will run me down, or I will receive another of those texts or maybe a phone call from someone who will say something I am scared of hearing.
Hurt is essential but I have realised that a lot of hurt is actually fear. Hurt is actually nothing but being scared with something you didn't expect. If I have cried the past week over one conversation, it is essentially because I was scared to face the consequences of it.
One believes because one is scared to be left alone, one talks because one is scared to be called socially awkward, one keeps shut because one is scared one will never be understood.
When exactly does all of life become a part of that scare?
When exactly did I stop running for something rather than from it? And when exactly did I let this sense of constant fear take over all of me.
When did all tears become about what I will lose and not about what I stand to gain.