Yesterday...and Today

A few years back while coming back from school, a friend of mine had told me that the woman who stood with us in the queue in the auto stand-the woman who could hardly keep standing straight in the heat, who could barely keep her eyes open and who kept groaning out of pain-was actually one of the many women who came into the city from their villages for abortion. Women like her chose the afternoons to get back home, so that they could be home by the evening and no one would suspect a thing. On that auto ride back home, I pictured the groaning woman sitting next to me-dragging herself to the stove in the evening, and boiling rice for her family-with her sari tightly wound around her stomach, so that she doesn’t feel the pangs of the void left behind by a small spec of life, which was forced to see the light of day much before its eyes were ready for it.

Scary thought, isn’t it? I don’t know why I was reminded of all this yesterday.

You texted and we spoke of lazy afternoons waiting to be lived in Paris. I pictured us, a few years down the line-sipping coffee in some obscure café, on some nameless boulevard. Wouldn’t we then look back upon yesterday and discover that this was when time found a leak in its pipeline and dripped out into some hidden little pool? Wouldn’t we then talk of yesterday and say that this was when it all started?

P.S:Today, the woman who gave me life adds another year to her life…here’s to another year of lots of fights, loads of disagreements and a little bit of love :)

mountains,rains and red spots...

Kathmandu is no more what it was.
It is plagued with strikes and the constant debate between monarchy and democracy.
Dhulikhel and Nagarkot are just as pretty as they used to be. The rains seemed to be the finery for the pretty new bride the mountains became...the clouds were like the veil she removed to see us standing awestruck,with her beautiful shy eyes.
and somewhere amidst the running around in Thamel and gambling away in Annapurna and Soaltee,i caught a virus which makes me look like a dead body which has escaped from its coffin.as far as my eyes stretch,i can only see ugly reddish dots with white centres.
for people who still dont get it-yes,i have chicken pox.and my trip had to be cut short

Ten years hence,when we think of days like today, we will probably go on with our lives as if this day didn't exist at all.as if the bitterness,the tears, the fights...nothing existed.
maybe we will cry over spilt milk someday and yet break into a fake smile and say "fine" when the world asks,"hey,how you doing?"
we will go on this way.putting on masks after masks,till we can hardly differentiate between what was our face and what was a mask...but we shall move on,as if we don't wear any masks at all,and life is just as dandy as we say it is...
as if days like today don't exist at all.

to the rain

it rained incessantly yesterday.there is this old connection between me and rains-they just do something to me.words, which lay trapped somewhere between the layers of my skin, start revolting-they twist,they turn in their efforts to leave behind the entrapments of skin and blood and set wings to fly away into the sky which is a sad shade of grey.i see them wanting to set sail and reach that little patch of blue which lies beyond the stretch of sky before my eyes.but when i cant set them free,i begin to feel almost miserable, much like the young girl who wanted to wake up and see sunshine,but woke up into a rainy day.
this is all i managed.

Stealing a peep through your blacks and whites today,
I saw how the rains tattoo words of love-
On the earth's brown face,with its small needles of silver.
I saw the clouds make love to the earth,
As they left behind watery kisses-
In secret potholes and puddles.

I saw the woman standing next to her window,
As her fingers groped for a nameless dream,
That lay beyond that grey stretch of sky.
Leaving aside your blacks and whites,I saw her sing,
As rainclouds gathered in her eyes.

P.S: Lousy.I know.

tears unexpected

i have been convincing myself that i am no longer the cry baby i was in school.i had begun to believe that i can see life as it is without letting salt water well up my eyes.
i had begun to think that i have "grown up" and then came today...
i still don't believe that i let that lump of sorrow grow in my throat and let those tears flow.
i really didn't know that i would miss people who were strangers till the last month.
life's like that...there are people who walk in and before you can walk some distance with them,they walk out.but when they leave you see footprints that they leave behind which shows you which way you need to walk,the next time you don't know where to go.
thanks to everyone in HT City who made the last month memorable for me.
will miss you.

to you two

there was something i wrote when you two got together in my old blog,but i guess i deleted it for some reason.
S,if you remember,i asked you if you are seeing her even before you did...and then that day when you said that you are,i guess i had a "oh i knew that" expression on my face.but today,after two years,i cant really bring myself to believe the truth she told me.
if i ever knew two people whose sense of security has been immense,it would have to be you two.i don't know why,i still cant internalise the truth...
it's like one of those weird things that you hear from somewhere but you know that it aint true.i wouldn't have believed if someone else told me,but it was her...
i know she is brave.but there are battles which you fight with yourself,and i am hope she is brave enough for them and as for you,S i really don't know.guess i never knew you enough inspite of those late night chats.
but to you two,i really hope this was a bad dream i have been dreaming,and you guys need to wake me up.sooner,the better.

there haven't been many times when i have felt this proud.
proud of belonging to someone like you.
though there was very little i could hear,i know you were playing my song.
like you always do...
there was a song i once sung as a child and then i lost the tune somewhere...
the sun had gone down when you started strumming today,but i knew the tune was back.
my tune.your tune.our tune.
i knew it was you who would keep strumming my pains with your fingers and turn them into harmonies that meet applause...
i am proud of you.
i love you.

on a blogging spree

you wont believe what happened today...
it was just another day at work and i had a book reading to cover. Ipsita Roy Chakraverti was reading a Paulo Coelho book(for those who havent heard of her,she is the founder of the wiccan brigade in calcutta)...i am not much of a believer,have never been one.but then when she said that there's someone on her right whose sister is going through a turmoil,i (sitting on her right) remembered Diya and realised maybe she was talking of me...i have been too shocked to think of it after that!
the wonders of the world never cease...i tasted the world's weirdest tea today.at the Cha Bar,some weird Ayurvedic piss like tea thing which two of my very esteemed friends ordered.i gave up after a few sips but my dear friend attempted to swallow it like tequilla with a spoonful of honey trying to act like the lemon slice's sorry substitute.thank god,she didnt puke.saved us the trouble of ordering for newspaper to clean it!!
then we bumped into a weird guy who eyed N in KFC and told him that only Mc D sells wraps and then the weirdo bowed to S as if to acknowledge her esteemed presence...if that wasnt enough,he walked to the gate,turned and waved at me and consequently followed it up by waving at all three of us from the car window!
and somewhere in the middle N got approached by pimps who asked him whether he wanted a "school girl" or "hostel girl"!!
park street,i tell you,is the place where you run into the weirdest people on earth.
wooh,what a day!

to the yous

to some of the yous in my life...

you#1 you have made me proud! for once,you have made me realise that it's never too wrong to dream. i always thought you to be my little sister whom i would "bring up" with bits and pieces of advice,pep talk and all that.but then,i was wrong.i have so much to learn from you...grit,will and the power of dreams.

you#2 thanks for the 20th.it was one of the best days of my life-it was WOW!wine glasses,fries,truck driver songs and lots and lots of love.thank you for just being there.we shall do it again sometime.soon.

you#3 with people like you around,the world is definitely a better place.and you stay true to your name-you are MY friend.and though we've met just twice for about five minutes,the time when we hugged each other and cried like babies when we were strangers has been one of the most touching moments of my life!love you

muffled prayers

i know i was weak this time last year but dont let her be.
time makes you stronger,but she needs the strength soon.
teach her that things are not what they are meant to be.
they never are.
teach her that people always end up reaching the finishing line before you even you ran with all your might...
but also teach her that you dont always lose...there are days when the finishing line waits for you and you run through the ribbon,wrapping yourself up in glory.
while people watch you with tears in their eyes.
my prayers are with you.do well.

Eavesdropping

it was a Sunday and there was no metro.so the only option of getting to work was the Jadavpur-BBD Bag mini! given to my rotten luck,the only seat left vacant was one in the last row where a speed breaker feels like an earthquake.but this post isn't about my bus woes,but these two girls who sat next to me and their conversation.as a disclaimer,let me tell you that i have been blessed with the memory span of a goldfish,and this is the best i could coax my brain into remembering!

Girl 1 is a plump 17/18 year old in pink salwar and Girl 2 is another 17/18 year old in a black tee and jeans. i know they were 17/18 because they were talking of their HS exams and they were on their way to the ISI exam centre...
if i remember well,this was the day after the knight riders lost to some team in eden.

Girl 1: Shahrukh eto taka khoroch kore ekta poder team korte parlo na.
Girl 2 (evidently a SRK fan) : keno?dakh eta ekta khela.haar-jeet to legei thake.
Girl 1: Saurav ekta gadha.giye juteche arek gadhar sathe-batsmen dorkar batsmen.otogulo bowler niye ki labh!
Girl 2: shey to shob team ei golmaal ache.
Girl 1: ami to chai Shane Warne er dol shob shomoy jituk...eesh ki cute!
Girl 2: toke ei bus theke dhakka mere fele dewa uchit.
Girl 1: dakh jara khelte pare na oder ke team e rekhe ki labh? shob kota gadha.ar ekta gadhar moto gaan!kore,lore sheito harli.
Girl 2: tui kolkatar meye hoye ki kore kolkatar team kei kharap bolish?
Girl 1:Kolkata to bhalo,kintu team ta ekdom zoghonno (mind you its zoghonno and not joghonno) Kota kolkatar player ache otate?kokhono Ponting ar Saurav ekshathe khelte pare.Shahrukh er kono buddhi nei.
Girl 2: Bokish na,Shahrukh ja kore bhebe shunei kore.tui bujhbi na.Dakh tui Saurav er namey jai bol,Shahrukh er namey kichu bolbi na.
Girl 1: Shahrukh boka holeo bhishon cute.

Sadly,i reached my bus stop and had to leave inspite of dying to hear what the girls talked about once they were done with their round of tittering!
and i got down with a faint smile on my face and call it co incidence or whatever,some faraway auto radio was heard blaring out...
Korbo Lorbo Jitbo Re....


P.S:for non bengalis,i am sorry.i really cant translate all that-too much would be lost in translation :)